But seriously, though- WHY NOT? Wouldn't you know it I develop a taste for dirty vodka martinis 5 days before I plan to start another Advocare 24 Day Challenge...I am a true glutton for punishment. What baffles me though is how did I not try one of these before? It has everything in it that I love:
Vodka
Olives-mmmm salty and delicious, which I plan to be the title of memoir if I ever decide to write one. It has a nice ring to it.
Vermouth- more alcohol
Olive Juice- more salty, briny, divine flavor. I change what I said before about the memoir, I think the new title will be Briny, Salty, Delicious- A Story About One Woman's Journey Through Food, Alcohol, and Sweets.
I doubt this work of art would ever get published but if it does...you're welcome. Now back to this challenge I was telling you about.
You see, I did this same plan last year around April and blogged about it as well. So I will be at it again. Why, you ask? Why do another challenge, when the other one wasn't easy and it will take away my morning coffee (GASP! THE ELIXIR OF LIFE) and beloved vodka? Well...let me give you some insight, 2 weeks ago it went a little something like this:
True Story-
I am in the elevator going down to the 1st floor because it's quittin' time and wouldn't you know it stops at
Every
SINGLE
FLOOR!
Everyone decided to leave the office at the same time I guess. On the way down I looked at my watch and had that moment of panic because my bus was going to arrive in 5 minutes...CRAP. Not wanting to miss my bus, especially since The Hubs and I carpooled that day and I didn't want him to wait. By him "not wanting to wait" I mean I was going to be late for my very important date...with sweatpants.
So I am waiting at the light trying not to dash into traffic and jaywalk (it's a huge fine and this chick needs to save her pennies for a vacation and shoes) and as I waited there, I started doing a dance that looked like a combination of "I need to go to the bathroom from drinking too much Diet Coke" and twerking. I didn't have the rhythm down right though so mostly it just looked like I had to pee.
Running down the sidewalk dashing through people, I couldn't figure out if they were getting out of my way because clearly I had somewhere to be or because my jeans were rolling down because of the gigantic food baby I carry with me daily and the sight was so horrifying they needed to get away. I accomplished my goal of making my bus but damn, was I sweaty. I want to rip my clothes of on the bus and start fanning myself but I didn't want to get arrested for indecent exposure...and nobody wants to see that.
This got me thinking- A. I need to get my sh#& in gear earlier at work so I am avoiding the above mad dash to the bus and B. I need to get in shape and lose some pounds. I never make New Years Resolutions, I firmly believe that Jan 1st is scared for watching the Rose Bowl and eating more football food on that day, as well as waking up and having brandy whipped cream in my coffee left over from the New Year's Eve dinner and then follow it in the late morning/early afternoon with some more champagne.
So with my resolution to not make resolutions in January, I make February resolutions...more like "After The Super Bowl" resolutions, since we all know the Super Bowl is the very last Sunday until a new season of football starts where it is socially responsible to start drinking at 6 a.m. and not stop until 3 p.m. when the game starts...and then proceed to fall asleep or throw up, whichever comes first.
Since this chick likes to tailgate and drink and eat to the max on Sunday's and I have been doing so since late August, 22 Sundays of gluttony has now manifested into swollen feet from sodium and a hell of a waistline. Refusing to buy new pants, I am going to do something about it- my challenge. For 24 days I am going to not indulge in the following
No Sugar
No Coffee (blasphemy)
No Alcohol (i know, it's like I am cursing my mother or something...it's just terrible)
No beautiful marbled steaks
No Mushrooms
No Butter (Julia Child would tell me I am nuts. I know Julia, I know)
No Cheese (Lord Almighty, please help me for my love of brie cheese on a nice baguette knows no bounds)
No Bread
No Cheeseburgers (It doesn't actually say that in the directions but they are a love of mine that encompass the above items I cannot have so therefore, these are off the list too)
No BACON.....I want to die
Instead I will be substituting my coffee for a fiber drink and a no sugar Advocare sponsored drink mix. A beautifully marbled rib eye and Teriyaki will be replaced by ground turkey and hard boiled eggs. It'll be good for me though, I welcome the new routine with open arms and I am excited to get some of this excess baggage off. I know I say this now...come back and talk to me in 3 days after I have gone without coffee and see how I fee about the matter.
After thinking it through, I'm not supposed to eat potatoes on this new routine anyway so even IF vodka was considered a vegetable, it wouldn't count...oh well.
Cheers everyone! Here's to getting fit in 2015, and convincing the FDA that alcohol from potatoes should be counted as a vegetable on the food pyramid.
My vodka martini while watching The Bachelor last Monday
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