My Vodka Is Made From Potatoes-Can I Consider It A Vegetable?

...Don't I wish
But seriously, though- WHY NOT? Wouldn't you know it I develop a taste for dirty vodka martinis 5 days before I plan to start another Advocare 24 Day Challenge...I am a true glutton for punishment. What baffles me though is how did I not try one of these before? It has everything in it that I love:

Vodka
Olives-mmmm salty and delicious, which I plan to be the title of memoir if I ever decide to write one. It has a nice ring to it.
Vermouth- more alcohol
Olive Juice- more salty, briny, divine flavor. I change what I said before about the memoir, I think the new title will be Briny, Salty, Delicious- A Story About One Woman's Journey Through Food, Alcohol, and Sweets.
I doubt this work of art would ever get published but if it does...you're welcome. Now back to this challenge I was telling you about.

You see, I did this same plan last year around April and blogged about it as well. So I will be at it again. Why, you ask? Why do another challenge, when the other one wasn't easy and it will take away my morning coffee (GASP! THE ELIXIR OF LIFE) and beloved vodka? Well...let me give you some insight, 2 weeks ago it went a little something like this:

True Story-
I am in the elevator going down to the 1st floor because it's quittin' time and wouldn't you know it stops at
Every
SINGLE
FLOOR!

Everyone decided to leave the office at the same time I guess. On the way down I looked at my watch and had that moment of panic because my bus was going to arrive in 5 minutes...CRAP. Not wanting to miss my bus, especially since The Hubs and I carpooled that day and I didn't want him to wait. By him "not wanting to wait" I mean I was going to be late for my very important date...with sweatpants.

So I am waiting at the light trying not to dash into traffic and jaywalk (it's a huge fine and this chick needs to save her pennies for a vacation and shoes) and as I waited there, I started doing a dance that looked like a combination of "I need to go to the bathroom from drinking too much Diet Coke" and twerking. I didn't have the rhythm down right though so mostly it just looked like I had to pee.

Running down the sidewalk dashing through people, I couldn't figure out if they were getting out of my way because clearly I had somewhere to be or because my jeans were rolling down because of the gigantic food baby I carry with me daily and the sight was so horrifying they needed to get away. I accomplished my goal of making my bus but damn, was I sweaty. I want to rip my clothes of on the bus and start fanning myself but I didn't want to get arrested for indecent exposure...and nobody wants to see that.

This got me thinking- A. I need to get my sh#& in gear earlier at work so I am avoiding the above mad dash to the bus and B. I need to get in shape and lose some pounds. I never make New Years Resolutions, I firmly believe that Jan 1st is scared for watching the Rose Bowl and eating more football food on that day, as well as waking up and having brandy whipped cream in my coffee left over from the New Year's Eve dinner and then follow it in the late morning/early afternoon with some more champagne.

So with my resolution to not make resolutions in January, I make February resolutions...more like "After The Super Bowl" resolutions, since we all know the Super Bowl is the very last Sunday until a new season of football starts where it is socially responsible to start drinking at 6 a.m. and not stop until 3 p.m. when the game starts...and then proceed to fall asleep or throw up, whichever comes first.

Since this chick likes to tailgate and drink and eat to the max on Sunday's and I have been doing so since late August, 22 Sundays of gluttony has now manifested into swollen feet from sodium and a hell of a waistline. Refusing to buy new pants, I am going to do something about it- my challenge. For 24 days I am going to not indulge in the following

No Sugar
No Coffee (blasphemy)
No Alcohol (i know, it's like I am cursing my mother or something...it's just terrible)
No beautiful marbled steaks
No Mushrooms
No Butter (Julia Child would tell me I am nuts. I know Julia, I know)
No Cheese (Lord Almighty, please help me for my love of brie cheese on a nice baguette knows no bounds)
No Bread
No Cheeseburgers (It doesn't actually say that in the directions but they are a love of mine that encompass the above items I cannot have so therefore, these are off the list too)
No BACON.....I want to die

Instead I will be substituting my coffee for a fiber drink and a no sugar Advocare sponsored drink mix. A beautifully marbled rib eye and Teriyaki will be replaced by ground turkey and hard boiled eggs. It'll be good for me though, I welcome the new routine with open arms and I am excited to get some of this excess baggage off. I know I say this now...come back and talk to me in 3 days after I have gone without coffee and see how I fee about the matter.

After thinking it through, I'm not supposed to eat potatoes on this new routine anyway so even IF vodka was considered a vegetable, it wouldn't count...oh well.

Cheers everyone! Here's to getting fit in 2015, and convincing the FDA that alcohol from potatoes should be counted as a vegetable on the food pyramid.

My vodka martini while watching The Bachelor last Monday 

Get Your Hot Glue Gun Away From My Jersey!

Ok- So this week is the big NFC Championship game between the Seattle Seahawks and the Green Bay Packers. I'm sorry to any of my readers who may be cheese heads (I can think of 2 people out there) but the Seahawks are going to wipe the floor with Aaron Rodgers. Good, now that I got that out of the way, it brings me to my next irk...

Like other radio stations in the area, our local sports radio, 950 KJR AM, has been doing a ticket giveaway for Sunday's game. You enter your name on their website, having to give your name to iHeartRadio so they can send you spam (what I won't do for a freebie) and then every hour, kinda on the hour they announce a name. Now, this name they announce doesn't mean you automatically win the tickets, no...it's a CHANCE to be ENTERED to win...that ticket drawing isn't until Friday at 5 p.m. So of course, like any fan I sign up, give my info, accept the spam, and anxiously wait for my name to be called every hour...so far my name hasn't been called and The Hubs said to not put money on it....haha, ye of little faith!
-But seriously though, is anyone out there having people over because Hubs and I probably aren't going to be at Century Link on Sunday.

I know, I know, you're wondering what my irk is and no, it's no email spam...although that is a pain in the ass. I know that not very many women listen to sports talk radio...do you want to know how I know? Well let me give you the random sample of commercials I have had the pleasure to listen to while I wait for someone to say I have won a chance to enter a drawing for Seahawks tickets that I most likely will not win:

-Commercials about dick hardener pills
-Commercials about pills you need to take to stop the frequent urination from taking the dick hardening pills
-Commercials about auto parts
-Bail Bondsmen
-"Kittens Cabaret, A Gentleman's Club," which apparently has free parking and accepts all major debit and credit cards...do you run the card through her slot or do you pay at the register? If any of you have been there let me know
-Steakhouses- This is actually one I care about
-A website that sells tickets to very game I am trying to WIN tickets for (I see what you're doing here, you're trying to convince me to give up and buy)
-Pubs
-More pills for male issues
-Places to buy engagement rings, "make sure you buy from a place you won't get ripped off." Really? I don't know who does your ad writing Mr. Jewelry man but I'm pretty sure Tiffany's or Cartier never had to come out with a commercial about having "fair prices."....Well, now that I have typed that now I understand why there may be the commercial about not getting ripped off so that one will receive a pass
AND FINALLY- The one about the man wanting a new TV for the big game coming up and his wife/girlfriend/ lover/whatever thinks it's a hassle and "doesn't know how to guarantee the best price" aka, showing her the light because TVs and Electronics are MAN STUFF.

I'm glad I could sum this up for all of you in case you were wondering what I listen to in the morning on the way to work, on the way home from work, and at work.

So yeah, not many women listen to sports radio...I will grant you that. So here comes my real irk (sorry it wasn't dick hardening pills, which is really funny to type...yes I am a 5 year old), how come when it comes to sports apparel for women, everything has to have a V-Neck, be super fitted in the waist and chest, and come in the color pink with SPARKLES all over. Don't get me wrong, I love sparkles, and pink, and a great garment that cinches in at the waist creating a perfect hourglass figure, but this said garment should not have to be on my sports apparel.

Now for anyone out there that is offended because they like this type of stuff, I do not have beef with you and I think you look great! (I'm talking about you, friend who wears her blinged Eagles jersey. You keep on keepin' on!)What I am saying is...I find that as a woman, my options are limited to the 3 categories listed above. Last time I checked, the Seahawks don't have pink as one of their colors and with the exception of Marshawn Lynch's teeth, I'm not expecting diamond bling to make an appearance. And while Russel Wilson looks like he is wearing tight fitting clothing anyway, I'm pretty sure it's because he's extremely built and not because he was considering how this top would accentuate his physique.

Besides-in my opinion, something I am going to be eating chicken wings in and drinking copious amounts of beer in, should have a little room in it for the massive food and beer baby. A pink and bedazzled food baby is not a good look my friends, DON'T COMMIT THIS FASHION CRIME!

Also, if I am jumping up and down rooting on the team in a v-neck tee...one of my tatas could pop right out and give me a black eye...
While some of you might think this is hilarious, I do not! Those puppies need to be controlled while watching football. Also I have never actually had this happen in any of the lower cut tops I own but I will have you know it's a fear I have...
-having a tit smack me in the eye
-it'd be painful
-and kind of funny
-but mostly painful
-reminds me of the commercials with Kate Upton these days where she is promoting that free game "Lord of War" or whatever it's called (sorry if you play that game and I didn't get the name right). Kate Upton is riding on that damn horse with her bubbies-a-boucnin' and I worry the poor girl is gonna hurt herself!

Please know, Kate Upton, that if you're reading this I am genuinely worried about your tit safety.

Sorry, where was I?

Anyway, now you know what I have been thinking about lately. Why does it have to be so one sided? I just thought all of you should know that this has been bugging me for some time. Maybe you care, maybe you don't, but now you know how I feel regarding team sports apparel for women, 950 KJR AM's commercials, and Kate Upton's boobs.

-Go Hawks
:)

Kitchen Dreams, Not Nightmares

Yes yes, I know! I haven't blogged in ages and there have been many requests. I didn't know you cared, whoever you are! This Hungry Girl has been busy, the Hubs and I moved into a house in the 'Burbs and since then I have been consumed with how to decorate my kitchen.

When buying a home some people dream of hardwood floors, vaulted ceilings, expansive rooms...well yeah I like that too but I am enchanted by counter space, kitchen storage, and high end appliances. Ahhhhh, the cool feeling of granite on the skin as you roll out pie dough! Oh wait, sorry you're still here and I was dreaming, I do apologize. I don't know where I got rolling out pie dough since I don't do that, maybe I was in someone else's dream-

-But in my kitchen 

-With my rolling pin rolling out pie dough

-Who uses a rolling pin without asking?That's super rude but it's ok, usually it's stuck in the drawer so it's good it gets to see a little action. Ok this is weird, I am talking about a rolling pin getting action, this conversation is getting away from me and maybe a tad innapropriate.

I'm thinking a backsplash would look awesome but what colors to pick? I wish I could enlist the help of Drew and Jonathan Scott from Property Brothers to come assist me. I would like to take a brief moment to thank HGTV for bringing hot Canadian twins to America in the form of a television show. Hot twins  who do home things...excuse me while I wipe the sweat off my brow. Ok where was I? Oh yes, kitchen...not hot twins, kitchen.

Luckily, Hubs and I got the kitchen we wanted (and by 'we' I mean 'I' because he can't even boil water). Instead of having a kitchen the size of a UHaul box I now have something I can make even more of a mess in! Good thing I live with my main dishwashing man. Instead of painting when we first moved in we got a new stove. It's not the super deluxe Viking gas range you see in all of those foodie magazines, but it is stainless steel, and large, and pretty, and gets hot (like the TWINS! Darn I said I would stay on topic), and pretty, and looks good, and it's pretty! Did I tell you it's pretty? Just wanted to make sure you know. 

I hope other people get more excited about their kitchen like I do. Of course it took finally getting into the right size kitchen before I felt this way. My college apartment had some countertop, and by some I mean none. I remember chopping my veggies on the floor and my ventilation for over the range was a window that went out over the roof with no screen. When you have a giant animal that likes to explore...bad things happen when you have a kitchen fire and have to crack something open, KITTY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON OUT THERE!?!? I hope my old landlord isn't reading this...oh well she can't charge me now. 

Well I am glad you could all come with me on my journey down kitchen memory lane and kitchen present. Sorry it got a little weird there for a second, it's something I am trying to work on in 2015, not being weird, but we all know that is impossible for me. Now to try and not have any fires in the new cooking space...not that I would ever do that....maybe I should go check and see where the fire extinguisher is.

Old stove

New stove! Much better right? If you disagree we cannot be friends. That's not true, I'll still be your friend but we'll just be in disagreement about this but it's nothing a glass of wine between friends can't solve :)