Football is Done...Now I Have to Start Eating Healthy Again

I don't make New Years Resolutions. It's for the same reason I choose to write about New Years Resolutions 2 1/2  weeks after the new year has begun, just call me a rebel that way. No, I choose to keep drinking and eating the same crap that everyone has given up and then I'll start my diet once football ends, read: Once the Seahawks win the Super Bowl  Lose to Carolina and that damn Cam Newton. Sorry, I am still a little raw as you can see.

People who know me well enough know that I take my football very seriously and along with that, I take my football snacks equally as seriously...DUH. So I find it hard when I am roaming on Pinterest, looking for healthy recipes for when I start another health challenge (yes, another one..I'm going to finish this time, I promise) to not notice the "Healthy Snacks for tailgating" or "Foods to Bring to That Football Party That Won't Make You Feel Guilty." For those types of pins I have two words:

F
That

Well, actually that was one letter and a word but since I don't know the average age of the reader of this blog I wanted to make it suitable for tender eyes...whatever the hell that means. I love how as I type that I could probably count on one hand the people who read this blog who are also related to me...nothing like obligated family support to make you feel accomplished...HI MOM!

Anyway where was I? Oh yes, SNACKS! One does not bring healthy snacks to tailgating or a football themed shindig! No, you provide/indulge on the following in no particular order:

Wings
Beer
Nachos
Cheeseburgers
Beer
Chili Cheese Fries
Sour Cream Dip with some form of dipping apparatus (Fingers even acceptable depending on your level of drunkenness)
Whiskey
Cheetos
Doritos
Fritos
Any type of chip stemming from the "itos" family
Beer

True to form, what did I choose to make on Sunday? My go to Southwest Salad and The Hubs' Aunt's Artichoke Dip. Friends who came also brought chips + dip and since it was a 10 a.m. game our time, we of course had to have Mimosas and doughnuts. All of that screams health right?!

Not only am I a stress eater when it comes to sports but I am also a stress cooker. While the Seahawks were getting trounced 31-0 in the 1st half I was aggressively chopping ingredients for salad and mixing dip with vengeance. Of course, none of that energy gave my team the mojo they needed, just added a lot of calories into my body and made me ready for a nap along with my beer blankie at 2:30. You can imagine this morning how well my outfit was fitting after my calorie overload yesterday. If you're having a difficult picturing it, here you go:

Sans shade of violet, I pretty much felt like I was about to pop from food intake. Someone on the bus this morning even tried to offer me their seat because they thought I was pregnant. "No mam, not pregnant, just...overly stuffed, like a turkey." Then I thought, CRAP! No one ever offers their seat, I should have totally have said yes! But then I would have felt like a bitch for taking this nice lady's seat when I am perfectly capable of standing and NOT PREGNANT, I just look like I am carrying a 10 pound baby burrito.

So, expecting to not start my challenge until February 8th, I will be starting it on January 25th. No sense in prolonging it, plus the pants I am wearing a a little tight and by little...I mean a lot. I have 6 more days to enjoy coffee, alcohol, salt, and cheese. So what am I doing tonight? Having a grilled cheese and a beer...

Now back to Pinterest for more healthy recipes, hopefully ones not entirely made up of Kale.

Bread is 2 Days Away! Advocare Challenge Day 9

The title of my blog...that is how I feel right now. When people ask me how my Advocare 24 Day Challenge my reply is always something dealing with carbs...naturally. I cannot wait for a little something different to make an open-faced sandwich with than lettuce. I like you, unwhich, but you're no match for bread in my eyes. Ok this may start to get creepy so I will switch topics.

I must say I had a breakthrough weekend! The Hubs, Mother-in-Law, and myself went to Red Robin for lunch on Saturday and I did not have a meltdown. A great victory I must say, especially since my dear husband proceeded to eat a bacon cheeseburger next to me...really...the man should understand he's lucky to be alive right now. I had a chicken breast and a salad dressed in lime juice from a lime that unfortunately looked like it had seen better days before making it to my plate. Has anyone noticed that? All limes are super, duper expensive AND crappy. I dressed my taco salad with one tonight and I was lucky to get so much as a whisper of juice. For those of you wondering why you've never heard of 'whisper' as a unit of measurement, I made it up.

You're welcome

But seriously though, how am I supposed to enjoy a lime in my rum and Coke if the lime is non-existent. Correct answer: I don't enjoy rum and Coke's because I am not drinking right now, that solves that problem.

Speaking of something black on the outside, but squishy on the inside with a hint of green, (and no I am not referring to my soul) something I have become obsessed with lately is the Avocado Smoothie. That probably wasn't a very good segway since limes aren't black on the outside and that's what we were talking about but oh well, this is my blog and I can do what I want. Unless my 10th grade English teacher is reading this, for we are Facebook friends, and she might message me to correct my segway and then perhaps make me write an essay for her to show her I've leanred. Until that time comes though, I will take my chances.

Avocados, that's what I was talking about! Yes, I am obsessed with avocados lately. It's the one thing that makes me miss not living in CA, the ability to walk into the grocery store and get a ripe avocado and eat it for lunch or dinner. No, not here in the the Great North Left, you have to buy them green still and let them ripen in a bag and then take them out of the ripening bag at the perfect moment otherwise, they get too soft and yucky, leaving you with something you just spent $2.99 waiting to consume that is now in the garbage and you're shit outta luck. Life sucks sometimes. I would like to add also that avocados aren't the only thing I miss about not living in CA...some of my family will be mad I said that. No, I REALLY miss In 'N Out Burger. THAT, my friends, is what I really miss.

My fashonista friend told me she gets her avocados from Costco so I decided to try it out. They were WAY cheaper than if I would have bought 5 at the grocery store so naturally, how could I resist? I didn't want to LOSE money buy not buying them. I got lucky because not all of them ripened in the bag at the same time so I was able to enjoy them all week in my various versions of avocado smoothies! Something you would pay $8 for at Evolution fresh (what a crime) I was able to make in my own kitchen for so much less. I have posted smoothie from the past week in the blog, go check it out! Aside from smoothies, I have been enjoying avocados with breakfasts:

Like my lemon water? I have to make water fancy

This was my Saturday morning omelet that had spinach, yellow bell pepper, green onion, and then topped it with a little Cholula, life's great condiment. I actually was able to make my eggs into an actual omelet shape this time and not a glob. My yummy eggs were accompanied by some black beans and of course, my nice green friend the avocado.

Did you notice how I have my lemon water in a nice glass and a straw? Normally my Saturday morning breakfast would be accompanied by a yummy iced coffee or a latte but lately, lemon water is where its at. I have to make it look special to get myself to drink it with a nice meal. Poor lemon water, I don't need to beat down on you but you're not as yummy as coffee, even though you make me have to go to the bathroom twice as much. Sorry, there I go again with the potty commentary...I really should learn my audience better.

My favorite color is green and I think the picture I took tonight (right) as I was assembling another turkey taco bowl shows why! I love how not all of the inside of the avocado is the same color. Only in nature can you find something so pretty looking. I added the lime in there too for artistic affect, however, that lime was awful and it should be ashamed it is even in the same picture as the buttery goodness next to it. #avocadoshame (is that even a thing).

Ok I have officially gone off the deep end. I can hear some of you out there saying, "Oh honey, you're already there." Har har har.

I think I now have the upper hand on this challenge and I am kicking its ass. I no longer care that I don't eat cheese, or that I need to measure everything out to make sure I don't overdo it. It's worth it to me and I have turned a new leaf. Besides, I need to be able to strut out this summer in clothing that doesn't look like it's a trash bag hiding all the garbage. Unless I saw someone like DVF wearing a trash bag at one of her shows, then I would think it was instantly cool and kick myself for not doing anything about it sooner...duh, I totally came up with this first.

The High Cost of Healthy

Have you ever watched Extreme Couponing? It's the show where families walk out of the grocery store with $700 of food they paid $5 for because of coupons. If you haven't seen the show, I urge you to proceed with caution because 2 things can tend to happen.

1. You become OBSESSED with Extreme Couponing and think even you yourself can do it too! Even thought you can't devote your time to it like you would a full time job because YOU HAVE a full time job already, that's ok...you'll be able to figure stuff out on the weekends. Plus, YOU WILL HAVE ALL OF THIS FREE FOOD FOR PENNIES!!! Oh the savings.

2. You become extremely depressed. Look at these people, look at the stress they have to go through to get the amount they want. They run themselves ragged in order to make sure they march out of the store with free groceries to load up their 'stockpile' with. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the 'stockpile', it's basically the equivalent to your zombie apocalypse stash. Don't worry everyone! I have enough razor blades, shaving cream, and toilet paper to last us into the next millennium...we may not have water to wash with or food to eat but it's ok...these items were FREE! Sounds crazy right, I mean, who would d such a crazy thing?!? Well...you're looking at one, er...well reading something from one (I guess you're looking at your screen. Just envision me as the incredibly stylish and sassy one with a taste for champagne. I'd chose that to be my header if I ever took out a personal column in the paper...just fyi. Now where were we?)

See...

I was person #1. I KNEW I would be able to pull it off. I watched the show enough and I tried some of these crafty people's tricks:

Bought the Sunday Paper for Coupons/ took coupons out of the Sunday paper from work (I would get there early if I was working on Sunday's or if my assistant was working and not me, I would tell her to fish them out of the paper for me.

Recycle Bin Dived...yep...I was a dumpster diver...all in the name of saving cash.

Printed coupons off the internet

Bought Coupons off of eBay...yep...people do that too. You might even be wondering, Wait, you're trying to SAVE money, how come you're spending money on this. My answer to you would be, GREAT QUESTION!

Over the course of my couponing, the pattern I picked up was, the same junk food was always on sale. There was never any fruit or vegetables on sale, meat, or cheese. It was always processed junk or cleaning products. There would be times when if you bought 6 boxes of cereal at once, you'd get a free gallon of milk, however, you're then stuck with 6 boxes of cereal you probably won't be able to finish before it gets stale...BUT I GOT THE MILK FOR FREE. Over the course of 2 months, I accumulated the following products:

15 bottles of Lysol Bathroom Cleaner

50 Boxes of Cereal

25 Boxes of Hamburger Helper

10 Bottles of Ken's Steakhouse Marinade and Salad Dressing

27 Boxes of Gushers

12 Boxes of Granola Bars

30 Boxes of tampons (sorry for the men reading this)

5 Cans of Shaving Cream

6 Packs of Hershey's Chocolate Bars

12 Boxes of Popcorn

I bet you're wondering how much of this I got "for free." The answer is none of it! Sure, I had coupons for these items and it made them extremely cheap on the unit price, but I had to buy in bulk. What couple needs 50 boxes of cereal...it's all lies. To be honest, I had hopped by 'saving' money couponing, I would be able to spend more money on healthy foods.

So riddle me this Batman, why is it that I can buy a 99 cent box of mac and cheese that isn't good for me (it tastes delicious though) but a Honeycrisp apple will cost you $2.50. It doesn't make any sense. While I have been doing my Advocare 24 Day Challenge I have noticed that I have been spending more on food at the store than I normally would, like $12.99 for a jar of Justin's Almond butter. Even though it's better since it's not processed and full of additives, it has increased our food budget a tad. I consider myself lucky too because I don't feel strapped when I grocery shopping and I don't have to stick to a super strict food budget, other families don't have that luxury. I will get down from my soap box now...the subject of food costs has always been something I scratch my head over. It's really not fair I am wish something would change. So how does this relate back to Extreme Couponing? I am getting there. 

I was in my 3rd month of couponing and I was hearing the little voice in my head (the Hubs) saying, do we really need 32 boxes of Baking Soda?,
"Yes honey, we do...I'll get it for 2 cents a box this way...No onto the Yakisoba containers...I need 72 of those to get them for 5 cents each." I would like to point out here that I hadn't ever tried the Yakisoba out of the box before, I just happened to have a coupon for it that would make it insanely cheap. The power shopper inside of me was doing a happy dance for her potential savings. The last item on my list was Pillsbury brownie mix.

There is was...the last one in the shelf. I went to grab it and it immediately got snatched out of my hand by this woman who smelled as if she hadn't had a shower since last Tuesday (you might think I am being rude but no...I am actually being nice here). I made a comment about having my hand on it and before I could finish she snapped at me,
"IT'S MINE. I GOT IT FIRST!"
I went to grab a different Pillsbury brownie mix and then she again snapped, "THE COUPON YOU'RE HOLDING DOESN'T WORK WITH THAT ONE."

Ok. Reality Check.

I stopped to ask myself 'what' and 'why' was I doing this? This 'thing' that was supposed to save me money but, in fact, it was just the opposite. I was spending more in the long run on things I didn't need and also things that weren't any good for me. Not a vegetable or a fruit in my cart, just junk that didn't even taste good and eventually would go to waste anyway or on my ass. I turned around and left my cart with my coupons still inside of it. I could hear my smelly friend muttering to her husband, "quick, she left everything, let's see if she has anything we need." I wanted nothing to do with this couponing ever again.

Don't get me wrong- I am in no way saying that people who do this aren't successful at it and are as rude as this woman.I am sure there are many out there that donate to charities what they get for free. I don't want any crazy comments or emails from successful couponers please!

Yes, this post doesn't have much to do with my Advocare Challenge I have been doing with the exception of realizing that I would rather pay more for something healthy like that jar of that almond butter than spend the money on Top Ramen that is full of sodium and will only make me look puffy...not a good look, especially when bathing suit season is approaching and "puffy" is not one of the trends I saw on the runway. I am worth the $12.99 for the expensive, healthy treat and YOU ARE TOO. Ok, seems I got back on that soap box again, I'm really gonna get down this time.

I will post recipes from this weekend on tomorrow's edition while I watch The Bachelor...my guilty pleasure. :)

Eat your greens!

How to Lie to Your Significant Other With Food

I've become food obsessed...what else is new. I have been noticing lately at work, I cam constantly checking out what everyone else is eating for lunch.
"What's that?"
"What cha got?"
"Oooo that looks good, what is it?"
"Mmmmm smells yummy"

I've become annoying and I need to stop. One last "looks tasty" though...

My Home Girl at work had what she was calling Jambalaya and it looked like something I'd be able to eat during the challenge. Turns out, it was! This was going to be the perfect meal to make for dinner tonight since I was ready to hit my husband over the head with a frying pan over his eating choices for the past 2 days. Now, before anyone jumps on me and says, "he can eat whatever he wants," Yes...you're right, however, if he knows what's good for him, he'll eat what I put in front of him. I was tired of The Hubs bringing home fast food while I am doing my challenge this week so I decided to trick him.

Last night I was getting out of my car to find The Hubs coming up the driveway with TWO bags from Jack 'N the Box. He 'claims' they screwed up his order but gave him both bags of food but I call bullshit. Even though I could care less about eating something from that place, it was because he was having salty food and I wasn't that I got really mad and rage cooked healthy food...that'll fix him.

This new dish has components we both like, chicken sausage, and then ingredients I like but he would rather see on my plate and not his. I will run you through my dinner:

First I chopped some bell peppers, onions, and garlic.

Look at that color! Looks like the sunset

Then, I browned some chicken sausage in a pan and set it on a paper towel to drain.

I had some quinoa cooking in a separate pan but I didn't take a picture of it...so sorry. I threw my beautiful veggies into a pan with some olive oil and got them all sizzling.

I die...is there anything more wonderful than veggies sauteing?

 

Once my veggies were soft, I combined the quinoa, sausage, veggies, a 15 oz. can of fire-roasted diced tomatoes, and some chili powder.

The Hubs was skeptical at first but once he eye-balled the sausage he decided it was decent...here is the final photo of what it looked like on my plate

I made some cauliflower too. You can never have too many veggies

Not much else happened today during my 4th day of the Advocare 24 Day Challenge. I didn't have to drink the liquid sawdust this morning, a.k.a Fiber Drink so that was a PLUS! 

Here is the original recipe for reference: Sausage and Quinoa Jambalaya

Thanks for reading!

The Angry, Fat Girl Inside of Me Just Wants a Margarita and a Piece of Bacon

I speak the truth my friends! Today was Day 3 of my Advocare 24 Day Challenge. I remember Day 3 the last time I did this plan. Day 3 brings with it the realization that cocktails are still 21 days away and your ass hasn't gotten any slimmer even though you feel like with all the hard work you've done for the past 2 days, you should be wearing a 6 (or insert your ideal size here) by now. Is bacon not considered a fruit? Damn, I'll have to add that to my list of the foods I am asking the FDA to consider putting at the top of the inverted food pyramid:

Bacon
Potatoes
Vodka
Bourbon
Pringles
Rasinettes with Popcorn

Goodness, it's no wonder I needed a change in eating habits...

Now, I have never been one to call myself "fat". I have learned that the word "fat" is degrading and I much prefer other words found in Webster's Dictionary such as:

curvaceous-

adjective, Informal.

1. (of a woman) having a well-shaped figure with voluptuous curves.

shapely-

adjective, shapelier, shapeliest.

1.having a pleasing shape, especially with reference to a woman's figure.

And my personal favorite:

Rubenesque-

1.Though coined in the middle 19th century, the adjective Rubenesque has flourished during the last decade or so as a polite way of saying plump, full, or round, especially in describing a woman. The word refers to the Baroque painter Peter Paul Rubens, many of whose works depict full-figured women

Today, however, was a day that I decided to throw my dictionary out the window and just go for the gold...fat...uggghhhh. Luckily for me, I shook it off for most of the day until dinner time when I had another reality check about no Chipotle for a while either, but I'll get back to that in a moment.

Last night i was cruising Pinterest looking at food and drinking lemon water out of a fancy glass with a straw when I came across this great recipe for Yummy Hummus. I had all of the ingredients in my kitchen AND it was Challenge friendly. Off to my favorite part of my house I went to whip some of this stuff up in the blender.

Now, please note: I tend to be about a 10 on the garlic spectrum, 1 being the thought of it makes you gag and 10 being Dracula might come over to check out your clothing and shoe situation (clearly I envision Dracula as Clinton Kelly/Rachel Zoe mix) but that's all, Dracula isn't staying for drinks because your garlicky essence might rub off. With that said, in this recipe for the hummus the original poster called for only one clove. I started with that in my Ninja and found it to be not nearly garlicky enough for my #10 ranking on the garlic-o-meter so I proceeded to add 4 more cloves and then a couple of dashes of Frank's Red Hot for good measure. It tasted yummy, but instead of more garlic cloves I decided to throw in some powdered garlic pzazz. My hummus finally tasted suitable to me sans salt (sad face) and I packed it into a little tupperware to have cucumbers and bell peppers dipped into it for lunch today. 

Sitting down to today's lunch, it resembled something of a cave woman feast:

-lettuce cups

-chicken thigh

-some leftover avocado

-cucumbers

-yellow bell pepper cut up into matchsticks

-hummus

The idea was to make little lettuce sandwiches with the lettuce cups but they kept falling apart so I shoveled this and that into my face, catching the glance here and there of my friends (one of them being by Advocare distributor) and making them laugh. I'm sure I looked ridiculous but I was trying real hard to enjoy these 'sandwiches' that basically made me look like a rabbit. When I opened the top of the hummus tupperware, it was if I was in the city of Gilroy hosting my very own garlic festival. I explained to my friends how EXCITED I was that I made my own hummus and my other friend gladly dipped one of my cucumbers in it to try.

I think the expression on her face translated into a 15.7 on the above garlic spectrum. "Wow, that has a lot of garlic in it. I hope you have some mints," my friend said. As I sauntered back to my desk, the not so slight garlic odor already starting to seep through my pores, I began to think about my next meal...naturally.

Some of you know this, others may not. I have been having a longstanding love affair for quite some time. It's difficult to admit sometimes but now it's out there in the universe and luckily, The Hubs has grown to recognize that he'll have to have an open relationship as well. 

Chipotle

...my love affair is with Chipotle

......I know, I'm pathetic. So of course, in the past, when I was lazy on a Wednesday evening I would drive to Chipotle on the way home from work and grab a sack of matching burritos for my Sweet Baboo (Hubs' other name that really annoys him when I can him that. I do it on purpose) and myself and we chow down. 

Well friends, not tonight. No, I didn't bring the Chipotle home, I abstained even though it would have been so easy. Instead, I broke out those damn lettuce cups again (I needed to redeem myself) and made my own Chipotle-esque meal.

It came out pretty good if you ask me-

The components were as follows:

5oz. of cooked, ground turkey I then seasoned with taco seasoning

Lettuce Cups

1/4 cup brown rice

1/4 cup black beans

Red Bell Pepper, cut into matchsticks

Scant bit of avocado

Squirt of lime juice

Couple of dashes of Cholula (please note, auto correct wants to make 'cholula' cholera. I don't know what kind of seasoning Blogspot is into with its tacos but it's freaking me out.)

So there you have it. This (insert definition for fabulous) chick managed not to ruin her challenge today and is going to be taking some much needed time away from her love, Chipotle.

Now off to make my lunch and snacks for tomorrow... :)

Advocare 24 Day Challenge, Day 2

Recently I have found myself in a certain state, right before the alarm goes off, of being half awake/ half still dreaming. Like the other morning I had a dream I was walking downtown with Channing Tatum and we were shooting the breeze about his relatively new role of being a Dad and my constant need for new shoes. Yes, those topics don't really relate to each other but whatever, it's my dream and not yours. Plus, any time Channing Tatum wants to spend time with me and not his beautiful wife is fine with me, we don't even have to talk, I could just look at him adoringly while he's showing me all of his new dance moves for Magic Mike 2...I can hear you laughing in the background- don't be judgin'. It is at that point that Mr. Tatum look at me and starts meowing in my face and I look at him puzzled, "why Mr. Tatum- I didn't know you speak cat." I then wake up to see not Channing Tatum starting at me but my cat, Paris who is probably just as cute but doesn't dance very well...it's now time to get up.

Now- most of you are probably thinking, I thought this blog post was about her Advocare challenge? You would be correct, however, with this blog, like most things in my life, I prefer to take the long way to telling you the story. I promise my short story about my Channing Tatum dream relates here. 

This morning's dream/awake state consisted of me dreaming about The Hubs and I on a boat with no bathroom. Why is this significant? Oh I don't know, probably because my bladder was politely trying to alarm me through my brain that IT NEEDED TO UNLOAD. This is what happens when you 60 ounces of water but don't do anything about it before bedtime, I was tired. I thought I was going to burst. Lesson learned tonight I will make sure not to drink so much. 

For those of you that have not left the blog and would like more bathroom stories...you're out of luck. I now will be sharing today's collection of recipes and no more stories about the potty...or Channing Tatum.

Breakfast consisted of a smoothie concoction I perfected from a Real Simple article I found. I decided not to use kale as I tend to feel like I am drinking grass. I substituted the kale with baby spinach, my green veggie of choice in smoothie. Here is the recipe:

2 Cups Baby Spinach (Or 2 big, heaping handfuls. It was way too early this morning to measure)

1/2 Cup of Almond Milk. Now- I used vanilla, totally forgetting about the scant bit of sugar it might have and there's no sugar to be had on the challenge, however, it's what I had an again, it was early...I went to the gym and worked it off. Just don't be like me...get your almond milk unsweetened

1 Squirt of Agave Nectar

1/2 Cup Frozen Mango

1 Ripe Banana

1/2 Cup Old Fashioned Oats. Some of you may be scratching your head at the idea of putting oatmeal in a smoothie but here is why I did it: I needed to ad a "carb" to this meal and oatmeal qualified. A friend of mine at work I told this recipe asked why didn't i just cook up some oatmeal and eat it on the side and I replied with, GREAT QUESTION!

Palm-full of Chia seeds. This is not a required ingredient but they were staring at me in their cute little container so I figured they should join the smoothie party.

Whiirrrrr it up in the blender and voila! I have the 2 photos here for you.

LOOK AT THAT GORGEOUS COLOR!!!!!

Some notes on this one. I probably should have either A. eaten the oatmeal on the side as my good friend suggested or B. processed it in the food processor first to make it a little finer. I happen to be weird though and like weird texture so I didn't mind it. Plus, I was so proud of myself it even tasted decent that I just enjoyed it on the drive to the Park and Ride.

Just in case you would like to have the original Real Simple smoothie recipe because my cockamamy one scares you (don't worry I understand) here it is for you: Real Simple 

Green Smoothie

See those white specks...that would be the oatmeal...just go with it

I actually got my butt to the gym today too! First time in 3 months. I wish I could tell you I made this awesome dinner and am going to take the blogging world by storm but sadly, I had the leftover soup again because I was too tired to cook anything, and I needed to shove something in my mouth quickly before I started eating the french fries The Hubs brought home from McDonald's...needless to say he is not doing the challenge with me.

On to Day 3 tomorrow...I can do it, I can do it. Now off to sleep and to try and talk to Channing Tatum about life's mysteries, like how does Jennifer Aniston look so good at her age, and who was the man/woman in the Shark costume during Katy Perry's Super Bowl halftime performance? 

Cheers!

Challenge Day 1

Well, today was the day. I started my Advocare 24 Day Challenge in the hopes of slimming down from the holidays and football. Yes, what better way to welcome in a Seahawks Super Bowl loss than by giving up alcohol, coffee, and carbs. I am not going to be bitter about it though, it is what it is.

So this morning, I awoke for my new challenge for step 1, the Fiber Drink. My good friend who I order my Advocare products from told me, "I heard the peaches and cream flavor is much better than citrus." Yes, nothing like taking a packet of sawdust and instead of having it be citrus flavored, it's now peaches and creme flavor. I should be looking on the bright side and thanking my lucky stars it wasn't Peaches and Herb....haha aren't I funny.

On to breakfast. Unlike a Master Cleanse or a juice cleanse or any other type of cleanse, you actually have to eat during this challenge. I whipped myself up a scramble filled with spinach, green onion, and yellow bell pepper accompanied by some steel cut oatmeal. My scramble was supposed to be an omelet but something happened in the flip sequence so it became a scramble- Julia Child would have told me I lacked the conviction to flip my omelet but I say, I was so freaking hungry I just wanted to  get the damn thing on my plate!

Good thing I decided to take the day off since I found myself running to the bathroom every 3 minutes. My 1 hour episode of Downton Abbey On Demand took me about 2 hours just from all of the getting up and going. I hope this counted as exercise and I hope we have enough TP for this cleanse. While trying to drink one gallon of water today has its advantages, healthy skin and less headaches, one of the disadvantages is you get to see more of your bathroom than you probably would like. Today I realized I need to scrub my shower door and the towel rack needs adjusting, cue "The More You Know" jingle here

Snack time! Now, I don't have a photo of the morning snack (mostly because I wanted to eat it) so you'll have to take my word for what I had, a small apple with some Justin's Almond Butter.

I was planning on going to the gym today and swim but felt they would not appreciate me constantly getting in and out of the pool in order to use the facilities, so instead I sat on my duff and looked at food on Pinterest...because you know, I already have to think about food constantly while on this program so why not think about it some more?

Lunch consisted of some chicken stir fry over brown rice. In the past I would have put a lot of yummy soy sauce over my rice but being in cleanse mode, no soy sauce. It takes some getting used to not salting my food but I have to keep thinking thin!

Please excuse my messy plate, I was mid bite and almost forgot to take a photo-again, so I quickly put my fork down and snapped another photo on my phone and then went back to stuffing my face. You would think eating every 3 hours would make you full and not ready to eat the next meal but no, you in fact are so ready to go for your next meal that you might chew off your own hand if you wait a minute longer. So not wanting to gnaw off my appendages for sustenance, I just dig right in and immediately make a mess.

Snack #2 consisted of 1/2 cup of raspberries and some more almond butter. I know I need to take it easy now on the almond butter since it's only Monday and I might get tired of it quickly. I'll figure that out later.

Sorry about the big shadow over my plate, my pictures of food taking abilities are seriously lacking. We have 23 more days of this challenge so I hope to figure it out by then.

17 more trips to the bathroom later and it was time to make dinner. I was going to take a crack at this kale and white bean soup I found online. Even though the recipe says "vegan" i made it not vegan by using chicken broth and putting in a cut up chicken sausage in there. Here is the recipe if you want to make it Tuscan White Bean and Kale Soup

Now, in addition to throwing in the chicken sausage, I also was a little heavy handed with the crushed red pepper flakes and needless to say, it made me sweat a little. All that alcohol from yesterday's football watching was coming out through my pores from soup eating, I wonder if this is what the recipe creator had in mind? Probably not.

So after all of my dish washing and meal planning for the week, I have come to the realization that this isn't going to be easy and it's going to take some hard work. Yes this post didn't have much humor in it as they usually do (I can only write so many bathroom jokes), but that's because food is something I have always struggled with and something that I don't like admitting to my friends, let alone people on the internet reading this.

I promise tomorrow we'll have more humor added and less pictures of my phone casting a shadow on the items.

Now off to drink more water while I watch The Bachelor.